


Last One To Scream

by zombie_honeymoon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Haunted Houses, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Pre-Relationship, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-10-19 06:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20652338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombie_honeymoon/pseuds/zombie_honeymoon
Summary: Hidan devises a plan to get Kisame and Kakuzu to become his boyfriends, said plan involves a haunted house and a contest to see who is the last to scream that he is sure he's going to win. It seems Kakuzu and Kisame might have a plan of their own, thanks to a tip from Konan.





	Last One To Scream

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Naruto Rare Pair Support Autumn Spook Fest  
Prompt- Don't Scream
> 
> I wanted to save this for the weekend, but the draft was about to get deleted, and I realized KakuHida week is coming and wanted all my spook fest fics posted before then and I have a couple other fics I really need to focus on. So enjoy this Monday fic!
> 
> Thank you to jashinstfeminist for help with the title! :D

Hidan had bought the tickets for the haunted house, he had talked his plan over with Konan and Sasori. Each of them thought such a plan was unnecessary, there were too many variables. Why did he need a plan at all, Konan had wanted to know.

“Why not just sit down with them over a nice dinner and tell them how you feel, you’re all adults, you don’t need to play games. Besides,” Konan had said, “why make it complicated? I’m not sure this will work. They might not get the message.”

“It might work on Kisame, I can see him getting scared and screaming, but Kakuzu… he’s a tough one.” Sasori shrugged, “You can always just keep inviting them out places until they realize they’ve been going on dates with you at the same time.” 

Konan then had to tell Hidan no, that was not a good idea, and told Sasori to stop encouraging such immature behavior. 

“Fine, but let us know what happens.” Sasori stood and held out his hand for Konan to take, “We have a date of our own to get to, reservations are in thirty minutes, can’t be late.” 

Slipping her hand into Sasori’s, Konan let him help her to her feet, “Good luck, Hidan. You’re a handsome man and Kisame and Kakuzu both have eyes and can clearly see that.”

* * *

That had been a week ago. Since then, Hidan had invited Kisame and Kakuzu to the haunted house, his treat, and asked if they could all drive together. They had agreed, Kisame offered to drive and picked Kakuzu up first who was on his way, then they came by to get Hidan.

“Aren’t you a bit over dressed for a haunted house?” Kakuzu asked when he saw Hidan get in the car wearing a black plaid flannel shirt. It even appeared he had gotten his hair trimmed recently. Kakuzu thought that it was the nicest he had seen Hidan look in months, maybe even years.

“It’s just a flannel shirt.” Kisame said, “He looks nice!” 

“Yeah, I look fuckin’ nice, Kakuzu. Thanks, Kisame.” He smiled up at him and then put his seat belt on, “Here’s the address.” He showed his phone to Kakuzu who put the address into the cars navigation system as Kisame pulled away from the curb. 

“You go to haunted houses often?” Kisame asked.

“Oh yeah, I love ‘em! I go to as many as I can each year and then leave reviews of them online.”  
  
“And he drags me to most of them with him.”  
  
“You love it, Kakuzu, don't even try to deny it.”  
  
“Are they very scary?”  
  
“Not too scary.” Kakuzu told him, “Do you not like being scared?”  
  
“I don’t mind, but I haven’t been to any since I was a kid and those weren’t all that scary, you know?”  
  
“Well this one is different.” Hidan said, “It’s always sold out and I haven’t been able to get tickets for it before. But this year, I got them! They say it’s the scariest haunted house in the entire city!”  
  
Surprised, Kakuzu turned around from the front seat, “You’re taking us to the Hazlegrove House?”

Nearly bouncing in his seat with excitement, Hidan nodded.

“Tickets to that are expensive.”  
  
“Yeah, I know, but I’ve been trying to get in there for years. Trust me, it’s gonna be totally worth it!”  
  
“We can pay you back if you want.” Kisame suggested, and was swiftly given a look from Kakuzu.

“Hidan invited us, he said it’s his treat. No need to get drastic. It's not like he’s not going broke over it.”  
  
“ _ I _ can pay you back if you want.” Kisame amended. 

“No, like I said before, my treat. But hey, how about a contest?” Hidan started, “Whoever screams first loses, and whoever screams second also loses.”

“What if we all scream?” Kisame asked.

“The last one to scream wins then.” Hidan told him. 

“What does the winner get?” Kakuzu wanted to know.

“It’s a surprise!” Being as it was part of his plan, he was planning to get a kiss from each of them, and hopefully use that to tell them how he felt about both of them. 

“So you think you’re going to win.” Kakuzu looked over his shoulder at him, “You’re on! I’ll be the winner tonight. I don’t get scared at these things.”

Hidan laughed at that, “You fuckin’ screamed bloody murder and grabbed onto me for dear life at the last one we went to!” 

Kisame glanced over at Kakuzu whose cheeks had darkened and grinned, “It’s alright, Kakuzu, we all get scared once in a while.” 

“I wasn’t scared! Shut the fuck up, Hidan!”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t tell anyone, just everyone on my facebook.” 

“Oh yeah, I remember reading something about that.” Kisame nodded.

“You posted about it on facebook?! That’s it!” Kakuzu took his seatbelt off and started climbing into the backseat as they came to a stop at a red light.

Kisame grabbed Kakuzu's arm as Hidan was pushing against his chest to keep him in the front half of the car.

“Kakuzu, there’s a police car like right next to us. If I get a ticket, I will make you pay for it so _sit down!_” Kisame shoved him into the seat as the light turned and gave what he hoped was a polite smile to the police officer in the car beside them.

* * *

Kisame drove them out to an old farm house without another incident. An empty field was being used as a parking lot which was nearly packed and Kisame took the first empty spot he could find.

Hidan hopped out of the car first and gave Kakuzu the sweetest smile he could, “Forget about it, Kuzu, don’t be mad at me.”

“I’ll get you back.” 

“You have the tickets?” Kisame asked, remembering the last time Hidan was in charge of tickets and he forgot them in his bedroom and they missed the movie they had gone to see.

“Crap.” Hidan dug his wallet out of his jeans to look for the tickets as Kakuzu and Kisame exchanged looks. 

“Hidan, if you forgot them-”

“I didn’t! They’re here!” He sighed with relief and handed Kisame and Kakuzu their tickets and they went to go wait in the line. 

While waiting in line, they could hear all sorts of sounds coming from the haunted house. Mostly screaming. Hidan was so excited, both for the haunted house and for his plan. Looking at Kisame and then Kakuzu, he hoped he wouldn’t be the one to scream first, or second. He needed to keep himself together and leaned against Kakuzu’s side as they waited for the line to move again. Or maybe Sasori was right… just keep taking them out places on dates without telling them. He was pulled from his thoughts as he felt Kakuzu's arm go around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

“Hey, you smell nice.” Kakuzu commented.

“Thanks.” Hidan felt his cheeks heat up and hoped neither of them could see it in the dark.

“What did you do, finally take a shower?” Kakuzu smirked.

“Asshole.” Hidan pushed off of him and moved up with the line, shuffling closer to Kisame.

“At least I won’t go write about it on facebook.”

“That’s cause you don’t have a facebook.” 

“Maybe I'll get one just to write about it.”

“Alright, enough you two.” Kisame got between them and felt Hidan scoot close once more, “Are you cold?”

“Yeah, a little.” Hidan said as he used it as an excuse to maneuver his way under Kisame’s arm.

Sharing a look with Kakuzu over Hidan's head, Kisame wrapped his arms around Hidan and leaned down, “Does this help warm you up?” 

Looking up at him, Hidan could only nod as Kisame’s face was much closer than he expected it to be.

Watching the two of them, Kakuzu knew it could work between the three of them. He had considered it for a while, when he realized Hidan had started looking at Kisame the same way he looked at him. He had been jealous at first, but the more he got to know Kisame, he couldn't blame Hidan, and had found himself attracted to Kisame as well. 

Wanting to help, Konan had told Kakuzu and Kisame everything about Hidan's plan for the haunted house. They both agreed with her, Hidan should have just talked to them, told them how he felt. Konan then said thatone of them should do it then, instead of making their own plan, that it was no different than what Hidan was doing. Kakuzu had grumbled something about how their plan was different because theirs would actually work. 

As the line moved again, Kakuzu found himself putting an arm across Kisame's shoulders as a cold wind gusted up.

“Damn, everyone's fuckin’ cold tonight, huh.” Hidan said as he leaned over and inhaled the scent of Kakuzu’s cologne, “And hey, look who else took a shower! Kakuzu, you smell good. What is that? Soap and deodorant?”

“Oh look, it’s our turn!” Kisame announced before Kakuzu could respond. 

* * *

Going into the haunted house, they stuck together in a group, Hidan between them. When a mad man with a chainsaw jumped out at them, covered in blood, Kisame was the first to scream, clutching onto Hidan’s arm. 

Hidan felt a thrill go through him, he loved it, feeling Kisame’s hands around his arm and moved closer. 

Each room was a different theme. 

In one there was a child in a dark corner, playing with dolls, a ouija board discarded nearby, and when she turned around, they saw that she was not a child but a ghoul with hair covering the front of her head as well. 

Another room had an old man muttering pleas for help as shadowy hands reached for him.

There was a room with flashing lights and people moving around and behind and in front of mirrors, another with what looked like sides of beef hanging on meat hooks on chains, and in between there looked like bodies hanging with them. 

It was by far, Hidan's favorite room, and so caught up in the fun of the haunted house, he forgot about their contest and his plan. 

They passed in front of one of the corpses and Hidan stopped to look at it. It was so life like… it looked just like a real body would, he thought, hanging there, still and lifeless… He leaned in close to get a better look when it’s eyes popped open and reached out for him with a scream. 

Screaming, Hidan jumped back into Kisame who caught him around the waist and held him against his chest, which only made him scream again.

“Hidan, it's me!”

“Fucking shit!” Hidan shouted, “Scared the fuck outta me!” His heart was pounding and he held onto Kisame’s arms.

“You alright there, Hidan?” Kisame asked as they walked past the ‘corpse’, his arms still around Hidan, “I can feel your heart beating.” He put his hand over Hidan’s chest.

“Hidan?” Kakuzu peered down at him, “It's just an actor.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” He said, catching his breath and wrapping his fingers around Kisame's. He hadn't been scared like that in a long time. It was as they were going through the hallway decorated with mirrors and webs, with smoke from dry ice along the floors, that he remembered his plan. He had lost, which meant he wouldn't be able to ask them each for a kiss, he had even considered asking for them to kiss him at the same time. He sighed, sad he wouldn't be able to and he had to admit that Konan was probably right about the whole thing.

Kakuzu smoothed Hidan’s hair from his forehead just before they stepped into the last room. It was eerily quiet and an old woman was laying on a bed muttering about the others coming for her.

As they moved closer something reached out from under the bed, reaching for their feet, hands, arms, there were so many of them.

Kakuzu jumped back with a scream and grabbed onto Kisame and Hidan. They went out through a door that lead to the backyard, all of them holding each others hands, and made their way through the garden that had been transformed to look like a cemetery. None of them let go until they were safely back at Kisame's car.

* * *

“Wow.” Kisame breathed, “That was something!”

“Best haunted house so far!” Hidan shouted, “I wanna go to another one, who wants to go with me?”

“Not me.” Kakuzu said, “That was creepy enough for one year.” 

They sat on Hidan’s couch, huddles together, eating the pizzas they had ordered on their way back.

“So, that thing under the bed really freaked you out.” 

“I guess.” Kakuzu said as he took a bite.

“You were scared, admit it.” Hidan pushed.

“Alright, fine, I got scared. I don’t like things reaching out from under beds. But you were scared, too. And so was Kisame.”

“Yeah, that hanging corpse on the hook…” Hidan shivered between his two best friends who he wished were more than that. He thought of the way he had leaned against Kakuzu, the way his hard muscles felt against him, and then he thought of the way Kisame had held him later. He wanted them to both hold him at the same time. 

“So, I won.” Kakuzu announced, finished with his pizza. He stretched out and leaned back against the couch, one arm draped over the arm, “What do I get?” 

“What do you want?”

His eyes flickered over Hidan and Kisame, “Hmm, not sure... Why not tell us what you were you going to pick, since you thought for sure you would win. Maybe that’s what I want, too.”

“I…” Hidan felt his face heating up and he looked at Kakuzu, did he really want what Hidan wanted? He wanted to know, but instead laughed, waving his hand, “It was stupid.”

“You can tell us, Hidan,” Kisame said, leaning back and propping his feet up on the coffee table.

“Just forget about it.” He felt stupid for ever having thought up such a ridiculous plan. Why couldn’t he just come out and say that he liked them both, that they all got along so well together, and that he wanted them to try having a relationship together. And what was with them tonight, he wondered. The things they were saying, the looks Kakuzu and Kisame kept giving each other. Part of him felt like they knew... but they couldn't know. Not unless someone told them and Hidan didn't think Konan or Sasori would do that to him. Maybe it would be easier if one of them _did_ tell though. 

He looked from Kisame to Kakuzu. They were so close, they had been all night. Hidan couldn't help but think about how it felt to be in Kisame's arms, with Kakuzu next to him. It was hard for Hidan to think with the way they kept putting him between them, it gave him ideas, and only made him angry because his plan failed and he would once again be sleeping alone in his bed. 

“Alright, fine, don’t tell us. Let's see what’s on?” Kakuzu picked up the remote and turned on the tv, flipping through to find an old, black and white horror movie on. 

Hidan sat back, nestling between the two larger bodies and let his leg rest against Kisame’s. A few moment later, Kakuzu shifted himself so that his leg was also against Hidan’s, avoiding the look Hidan gave him, he kept his eyes on the television. 

Halfway through the movie, Hidan had curled against Kisame, using the excuse that he was cold, and reached out to pull Kakuzu closer. He just wanted to feel them both at the same time. 

“Hidan, if you’re that cold, maybe you’re getting sick.” Kisame said and reached to feel his forehead.

“I’m not sick.” Hidan said, pushing his hand down.

“You feel warm. Your face is red, too.”

“That’s because he’s sandwiched between us, and we’re so hot.” Kakuzu lowered his voice, “I know what you want, Hidan.” 

“Oh yeah?” Hidan turned to look at Kakuzu who had suddenly gotten much closer, “And what’s that?”

Kakuzu leaned closer, “You want both of us. Don’t deny it.”

“I…”

“I can tell. The way you’ve acted lately, not just tonight. The looks you give both of us when you think we're not watching. Besides, Konan talked to me.”

“Fuck. _ Fuck! _ ” His face flushed scarlet, from embarrassment or anger, neither Kisame nor Kakuzu could tell.

“Hidan, stop.” Kisame did not want to deal with him being pissed off, the night had been too good, he would not let it get ruined now.

“Why did she tell, I didn’t ask her to!”

Without a word, Kakuzu kissed him, effectively shutting him up. 

Kisame watched them as Hidan grasped his t-shirt, twisting his fingers in the fabric with a moan. After Konan had spoken to them, Kakuzu had talked with him alone and asked him if he was open to a relationship consisting of the three of them. He was, very much so, though only if they were, he didn't want to deal with jealousy or drama, and told him that they would need to discuss certain things from the start. 

“Kakuzu.” Hidan groaned as he pulled away for a breath.

“Hidan.”

They both turned their eyes on Kisame as Hidan's fingers tightened in his shirt, “Kisame.”

Kisame leaned down, “You could have said something.”

“I… tried but couldn’t.”

“We know.” Kakuzu said. 

“You really want this?” Kisame asked, “Me, Kakuzu and you?” 

“Fuck yes.” Hidan answered. 

“Do you?” Kakuzu asked, and they waited for Kisame to answer. Even though him and Kakuzu had spoken already, he still seemed almost shocked that it was happening.

When he finally nodded, Kakuzu nearly growled as he reached for him, pulling him in for a kiss with Hidan between them, watching, and wanting to kiss Kisame himself. Hidan moved, he had waited long enough already, and when Kakuzu pulled back for air, Hidan moved in, kissing Kisame, nipping at his lip while Kakuzu forced him over to make room so they both could kiss him at the same time. 

As soon as he felt both mouths on him, Kisame moaned and several moments later Hidan pulled back. They were too crowded on his couch, “My bed's a whole lot fuckin' bigger than this couch is.” 

* * *

The following morning Hidan’s phone buzzed, he reached for it, knocking it onto the floor.

“Leave it.” Kakuzu mumbled as he turned on his side and wrapped an arm around Kisame. Hidan turned towards them, “Mmm…” He pressed his face to Kisame’s chest, “What'dya want for breakfast?”

“You, Hidan.” Kisame opened one eye, “We’re going to eat you for breakfast.” 

“I’m fuckin’ ready.” Hidan pulled the blanket off to show just how ready he was.

“Classy.” Kakuzu snorted as he opened his eyes. After exchanging a look with Kisame, they moved, pulling Hidan into the center of the bed as he yelped in surprise. 

Once they had an actual breakfast, Kisame and Kakuzu left to go home to shower and change into clean clothes. They had agreed to have dinner that night together at Kakuzu's place in order to discuss their new relationship before they go any further with it. After they kissed goodbye at the door, Hidan found himself curled up in his blankets, breathing in the scent of his new boyfriends that was left behind on the pillows. 

Just as he was drifting off to sleep, something slammed into the bedroom window. Hidan’s eyes flew open and he screamed as he saw a hideous, stretched face peering in at him. Hearing laughter that sounded far too much like Kakuzu and Kisame, Hidan threw the blanket off and grabbed the glass of ice water next to the bed. He threw open the window and poured it on top of their heads, laughing as their laughter was brought to an abrupt end. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
